Concession Of Mine

Okay, this post is for me. You don't have to read this, you can just skip it if you want, but I've just got to get this out. I'm sorry I haven't posted anything since around Yule, but I've had a recent mountain step in my path; I lost my faith. Yeah, I lost faith in the Goddess, in MY Goddess, and I lost faith in myself. Who am I, a puny human, to be important? I asked myself. Who am I to be loved and cared for by a supreme being? I cuss, I hate, I lie, cheat, yell, and steal. I am a terrible human being who has many faults, so why would someone care about me?

Why did I start thinking these thoughts? Because of my Father. You see, six months and eighteen days ago I ran away from my Father's home and back into the arms of my Mother. Yes, they are both divorced, so, to make it simple for you, I'll do this:

Father = Biological Father
Mother = Biological Mother
Dad = Step-Dad
Misty = Step-Mom

Anyway, it was because of my Father that I lost faith. I haven't spoken to him for six months and eighteen days, because of my stubbornness and my pride, but also because he hurt me just as much as I hurt him. After Yule, I began to feel lonely and begged my Goddess to show herself to me, to give me a sign that she was there and that I wasn't worthless. As you can imagine, she didn't answer me right there immediately and it hurt. I felt like she cared for me no longer, so I lost faith that she was even there and believed that I was truly alone.

So, what could I do?

I asked my grandmother that question and she reminded me about the Angels. When I was a little girl, my grandmother always told me that there were Angels watching after me, and that I had a Guardian Angel - She also used to tell me, after I threw a fit, that there was a Demon inside me, but let's just stick with Angels for now. So, I tried it out. There's this spell/prayer that I did to call upon my Guardian Angel, who is apparently the Archangel Gabriel. So I did the spell and, you'll never believe it, but I felt SOMETHING. A presence, a person right next to me, I don't know! But something or someone answered and it was just, wow.

But, I'm still at the same crossroads that Hecate has put before me; I don't have as much faith as I used to and I don't know what I should believe in.

You know, self-teaching yourself about Paganism and magic and spells is hard! My advice to you is to go to witchvox.com and to search out for the nearest Witch/Pagan to you and contact them! Contact them and ask if they can help teach you, because doing this on your own is hard! I have so many questions that need answered that I'm NOT going to find on Google, that I need someone with years to help me with, as you will too come to this problem.

And, above all, please do not lose faith. I believe, I HAVE to believe, that things happen for a reason and that time for the Gods are different than what time for us is like. Yes, it will take time, and it's taking a freaking long time for me, but I will wait, because I have faith in my Goddess. I may lose faith in her again, but, like a mother, I know she will wait for me to find my way again.